When you ask God the "Why" question, recognize that in God's giving human beings the power/freedom of choice, there is the great potential for good, but there is also the tragic and horrific possibility for evil.
Talk out loud with a trusted confidant about your feelings. Be honest about all your feelings. Working through how you will choose to respond to those feelings is important.
Luke 13:10-17 — Jesus heals woman who has suffered 18 years of pain.
Matthew 11:28-30 — Jesus will give rest to those who are weary.
Romans 8 — Life through the Spirit. Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
Isaiah 43:1-5 — Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you.
Matthew 6:9-15 — The Lord’s Prayer
Matthew 18:21-35 — Forgiveness.
Lord, give me the grace to be honest: honest about my pain, honest about my feelings, honest about my anger and honest about my questions. Will You lead me, God, to trusted friends, pastors and counselors who can help me to do this? God, give me a conscious awareness of your never-absent presence and remind me that I am a beloved child of yours. Help me to remember I am worthy of your love. In the name and by the love of Jesus Christ I pray this. Amen
Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse by Rev. Marie Fortune (HarperCollins, 1995)
Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know by Rev. Al Miles (Augsburg Books, 2002)
Sexual Assault: Will I Ever Feel Okay Again? by Kay Scott (Bethany House, 1993)
How Then Shall We Live by Wayne Mueller (Bantam Books, 1996)
Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse by Lynn Heitritter & Jeanette Vought (Bethany House, 2006)
Disappointment with God by Phillip Yancey (Zondervan, 1988)
National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1-800-799-SAFE, ndvh.org
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence — 1-800-537-2238, nrcdv.org
Faith Trust Institute — faithtrustinstitute.org
The RAVE Project (Religion and Violence e-Learning) — theraveproject.org
There is a need for the person to have the will to recover. The addict’s ownership of the problem and intention to begin to recover has to come first.
Acknowledge the dependence on alcohol or drugs.
The addiction has a purpose of protecting or taking care of wounding underneath. There are people to walk alongside on this journey.
You have the ability to have a new life.
Romans 7:15-20 — Struggling with sin while desiring to do good.
Romans 12:1 — Offer your body as a living sacrifice.
Lamentations 3:40 — Examine our ways and return to the Lord.
James 4:10 —God will lift you up.
1 John 1:9 — Forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Romans 8:28 — God works for the good of those who love God.
Matthew 11:28-30 — Jesus will give rest to the weary.
1 John 5:14-15 — God hears us when we ask.
Philippians 3:12-16 — Forgetting what is behind and pressing on toward the goal.
Intervention: How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help by Vernon Johnson (Hazelden, 1986)
Life’s Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits by John Baker (Howard, 2007)
Addict in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope and Recovery by Beverly Conyers (Hazelden, 2003)
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie (Hazelden, 1986)
The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book [4th Edition] by AA Services (AA World Services, 2002)
Alcoholics Anonymous — aa.org
Narcotics Anonymous — na.org
Al Anon — Offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. al-anon.alateen.org
Anger is a symptom that points to some hurt in your life.
To find healing for that anger:
Step 1: When you get angry, ask “Why does this of all things make me so angry?”
Step 2: Follow that question until you find the wound that you tend to lock up.
Step 3: Ask Jesus in prayer to heal that pain.
Step 4: Schedule an appointment with a pastor and possibly a therapist to talk about it.
Step 5: The goal is not to erase the hurt, but to recognize it and find better ways of finding healing for it than getting angry.
Counting to ten or giving space to oneself can be helpful when enraged.
James 1:19 — Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.
Ephesians 4:29-32 — Put away bitterness, wrath and anger. Forgive as Christ forgave you.
Hebrews 12:14-15 — Make every effort to live in peace with all, see that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble.
Savior Jesus, my anger has not provided the healing, respect, and intimacy that I want. Forgive me for the ways that I have hurt others. I place the hurt that is causing my anger in your hands. Heal me Lord Jesus. I need you. Amen.
The Angry Book by Theodore Rubin (Touchstone, 1998)
Anger by Gary Chapman (Northfield, 2007)
The Art of Forgiving by Lewis Smedes (Ballantine, 1997)
Listen to the anxiety — What is the root cause? What wisdom and instruction is important to me?
Fear differs from anxiety. Legitimate fears have an object, but obsessive worry can cause unhealthy anxiety.
Believe you are a child of God and that you are loved.
Philippians 4:4-6 — Peace passing understanding.
Matthew 6:25-34 — Do not worry.
Genesis 1:31 — God saw all that he had made and it was very good.
Isaiah 43:1-5 — Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.
1 Peter 5:7-11 — Cast all your anxiety on God; God cares for you.
Ephesians 3:20 — God is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine.
1 John 4:16-21 — There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
Romans 8:26-28 — Nothing separates us from the love of God.
Proverbs 3:5-6 — Trust in the Lord and not on your own understanding
The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Amen.
Embracing the Fear: Learning to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks by Judith Bemis and AMR Barrada (Hazelden, 1994)
Fearless Relationships: Simple Rules for Lifelong Contentment by Karen Casey (Hazelden, 2003)
Paths to Prayer: Finding Your Own Way to the Presence of God by Patricia D. Brown (Jossey-Bass, 2003)
National Anxiety Foundation — 859-281-0003
Tools for coping with life’s stressors — coping.org
Christian help for anxiety, panic and fear — overcomepanic.com
At some point, each of us will be called upon to be involved in the care for an aging family member. Rosalynn Carter once said, “there are only four kinds of people in the world — those who have been caregivers, those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.“ (From And Thou Shalt Honor).
It’s a very difficult job, yet is filled with joy in knowing that we are reaching out with love, mercy and compassion to others in need.
Colossians 3: 23-24 — Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart and you will receive an inheritance from the Lord.
Matthew 25: 31-40 — Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me.
1 Corinthians 15:58 — Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord.
Hebrews 6:10 — God will not forget your work as you have helped his people and continue to help them.
Psalm 119:105 — Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Philippians 4:11 — Content with whatever the circumstances.
Deuteronomy 31:8 — The Lord goes before you and will be with you.
Psalm 121 — My help comes from the Lord.
John 16:33 — You may have peace in this world.
Psalm 46 — God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Psalm 27:4-5 — Dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. Caregiving
Exodus 20:12 — Honor your mother and father.
Matthew 7:7-8 — Ask, seek, knock.
Psalm 55:22 — Cast your cares on the Lord.
Isaiah 35:3-4 — Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees; be strong and do not fear.
Gracious, Holy God, you have called me to this task for such a time as this, to enter into this caregiving journey with my loved one. Lord, it’s not easy when the work of the day extends to all twenty four hours, when I wonder if I’ll ever rest again. Lord, strengthen me for what lies ahead. I’m often afraid it will never end, and at the same time I’m afraid it will. Give me peace and rest; courage and compassion. Lord, I pray for others who are helping me. May they feel blessed in this time and not feel burdened. I pray for my loved one who is experiencing this dependence on my care. May they know that you are with them, your Holy Spirit is surrounding them, and your peace that passes all understanding. In Christ I pray. Amen.
The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook by Alexis Abramson (Berkley, 2004).
124 Prayers for Caregivers by J. Guntzelman ( Ligouri, 2003)
The 36-Hour Day. By Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins (Johns Hopkins University Press, 1981)
The Alzheimer’s Association — alz.org
Area Agencies on Aging — Web search "Area Agency on Aging" along with your county.
Focus on the treatment opportunities.
Find joy in the adversity when possible.
Love the physical part of me that carries the cancer or other chronic illness. Take care of it.
For supporters, be with them where they are — whether in pain or in encouragement.
James 5:13-15 — Anointing of oil.
Psalm 121 — My help comes from the Lord; the Lord will watch over you.
Isaiah 43:1-7 — I have called you by name and you are mine. When you walk through the waters, I will be with you.
Lamentations 3:32 — Great is God’s unfailing love.
Psalm 63:8 — Your right hand upholds me.
2 Corinthians 4:8 — Hard pressed, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair.
Hebrews 12:2 — Fix your eyes upon Jesus.
Philippians 4:13 — I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.
1 Peter 5:7 — Cast all your anxiety on God; God cares for you.
Lord, you said that when we walk through the water, you will be with us; we are precious in your sight and you love us. In this time of health trial and adversity, I need your presence more than ever. Lord, some days I feel hard pressed on every side, but with you at my side I do not feel crushed. Struck down at times, but not destroyed. This disease makes me feel like I don’t have any control. Lord, give me strength and courage, hold me in the palm of your hand, and give me peace. Amen.
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (Thomas Nelson, Inc, 2004)
Jesus Lives by Sarah Young (Thomas Nelson, Inc, 2009)
Looking Up While Lying Down by J. E. Biegert (Pilgrim Press, 2004)
The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead (Abingdon Press, 1999)
What About Divine Healing? by Susan Sonnenday Vogel (Abingdon Press, 2004)
Recognize that you are experiencing pain and heartache that is unique. You have lost a child; but as traumatic as that is, you have also experienced the sudden shattering of hopes and dreams for a love that you have been anticipating for a long time.
Recognize that fathers and mothers may feel very similar pain and expressions of grief BUT they may also have very different and (seemingly) extreme variance of emotion and feelings—know that this is normal.
Talk out loud with a trusted confidant (or journal) the feelings you’re experiencing.
Know that you are not alone in this incredible trauma and seek all means to find those who have walked this road, who will listen and share openly with you about their own journey.
Recognize God’s heart breaks with yours and resist any notion or suggestion that the loss of your child—in any way—fits within the plan and will of God.
The message of Easter does directly speak to your pain. For in Easter—in Resurrection—God has forever overpowered death with eternal life. Death DOES NOT get the last word in your child’s life!
Psalm 23 — The Lord is my shepherd; when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
Isaiah 43:1-3 — Do not fear for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name and you are mine.
Romans 8 — Nothing separates us from the love of God.
1 Corinthians 15 — The Hope of the Resurrection.
John 14:1-7 — Jesus goes to prepare a place for you.
Revelation 21 — A vision of the new heaven and the new earth.
Lord be to me what you promise in Psalm 23. I need your grace and strength in order to want to move forward; I need the faith to believe you. I am angry with you. But I also need the ability that you alone can give to know that my child is in your eternal care. Lord, help me be honest about my feelings and keep me from the tendency to choose bitterness and resentment. Give me the grace to take one day at a time and commit each feeling to you. Heal my pain and give me the grace, patience and faith to trust in you for however long that takes. Help me to choose forgiveness wherever it’s needed. Above all, own me with the promise of the Resurrection and salvation’s gift that one day I will hold and live with my child in you…eternally. Amen.
Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff (Eerdmans, 1987)
And Then Mark Died by Susan Sonnenday Vogel (Abingdon Press, 1999)
Life After the Death of My Son by Dennis Apple (Beacon Hill, 2008)
Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman (Harper, 1999)
The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead (Abingdon Press, 1999)
Daily Emails — griefshare.org
Listen to understand the message of the depression. It’s trying to tell you something.
It is very important to break the cycle of the negative rumination that is part of depression.
Helpful tools to combat depression: Exercise, Omega-3s, Sunshine, Social Activity, Sleep and Diet.
Jeremiah 29:11 — I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Proverbs 2:3-5 — Cry out for insight and for understanding.
Psalm 13:1-3 — How long will you hide your face? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 34:18 — The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 56 — In God I trust, I will not be afraid.
Philippians 4:13-14 — I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.
Job 19:7-10 — Job’s depression.
Luke 1:13 — Do not be afraid, your prayer has been heard.
Isaiah 43:1-2, 5, 18-19 — When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; Do not be afraid for I am with you.
The Depression Cure by Dr. Steven Ilardi (De Capo Lifelong Books, 2010)
Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey (Zondervan, 2002)
The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth (Thomas Nelson, 1995)
The Depression Workbook: A Guide for Living with Depression and Manic Depression by Mary Ellen Copeland (New Harbinger, 2001)
I Don’t Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real (Scribner, 1998)
When Someone You Love Suffers from Depression or Mental Illness: Daily Encouragement by Cecil Murphey (Beacon Hill, 2004)
Mental Health Questions — Godtest.com
The Burns Depression Checklist — suicideforum.com/bdc/index.html
Divorce is a painful split. Dating immediately following a divorce can stifle the healing you need as you try to find healing in another person.
You will need to eventually forgive, for your sake. Forgiveness blesses you as you release the control the ex-spouse has over your feelings.
Parents: During a divorce, do not parentify your kids of all ages, treating them as your caregiver (parent) or as your best buddy instead of your kids. Make space for your kids of all ages to share their pain even if their pain causes you hurt or guilt. They need you.
Philippians 3:12-15 — Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.
Genesis 1:31 — Your worth is not tied to your marital status. At your creation, God called you “very good.”
Luke 7: 36-50 — Jesus forgives a woman in the city.
Luke 13:10-17 — Jesus heals a bent over woman.
Luke 18:35-43 — Jesus heals a blind beggar.
God of infinite love and understanding, pour out your healing. Where there is hurt or bitterness, grant healing of memories and the ability to put behind the things that are past. Where feelings of despair or worthlessness flood in, nurture the spirit of hope and confidence that by your grace tomorrow can be better than yesterday. Where I look within and discover faults that have contributed to the destruction of my marriage and have hurt other people, grant forgiveness for what is past and growth in all that makes for new life. In Christ’s Name I pray. Amen.
Radical Recovery: Transforming the Despair of Your Divorce Into an Unexpected Good by Suzy Brown (Acu/Lefwood, 2007)
28 Days of Prayer by Mary Redding (Upper Room, 2014)
The Land Between by Jeff Manion (Zondervan, 2010)
Explore the relationship of control in your life.
Admitting there is a problem is the first step. Treatment is the second step.
Who is your support system?
Psalm 55:22 — Cast your burden on the Lord.
Philippians 4:13 — I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Psalm 46:1-3, 10 — God is our refuge and strength.
Matthew 6:34 — Do not worry about tomorrow.
1 Corinthians 16:13 — Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong.
Romans 12:2 — Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.
O God, help me to see myself the way you see me. Guide me on this journey so that I may have great healing and health all the days of my life. In Christ’s Name I pray. Amen.
Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle with Anorexia by Harriet Brown (William Morrow, 2010)
Wanting to Be Her: Body Image Secrets Victoria Won’t Tell You by Michelle Graham (IVP Books, 2005)
Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders: A Whole-Person Approach to Treatment of Anorexia, Bulimia, and Disordered Eating by Gregory Jantz (WaterBrook Press, 2010)
Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst (Zondervan, 2010)
For teens:
Perfectly Unique: Praising God from Head to Foot by Annie F. Downs (Zondervan, 2012)
More than Skin Deep: A Guide to Self & Soul by Crystal Kirgiss (Zondervan, 2011)
Picture Perfect: What You Need to Feel Better about Your Body by Jill Zimmerman Rutledge (Health Communications, 2007)
Made to Crave for Young Women: Satisfying Your Deepest Desires with God by Lysa TerKeurst (ZonderKidz, 2012)
For tweens (ages 9-12):
Body Talk by Nancy Rue (ZonderKidz, 2007)
In today’s job market, many individuals find themselves underemployed or unemployed. Many experience low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or feel lost with no direction. Several face the struggle of making ends meet financially.
Most need some type of emotional and spiritual support.
At. St. Andrew, we invite those seeking jobs or career change to attend our Career Care program [NEED ANCHORED LINK TO CAREER CARE ON SUPPORT PAGE].
Psalm 56 — In God I trust, I will not be afraid.
Proverbs 2:3-5 —Cry out for insight and for understanding.
Luke 1:13 —Do not be afraid, your prayer has been heard.
Isaiah 43:1-2, 5, 18-19 —When you pass through these waters, I will be with you; Do not be afraid for I am with you.
Gracious God, I turn to you seeking your divine help and guidance as I look for suitable employment. I need your wisdom to guide my footsteps along the right path, and to lead me to find the proper things to say and do in this quest. I wish to use the gifts and talents you have given me, but I need to do so with gainful employment. Do not abandon me in this search, but rather grant me this favor I seek so that I may return to you with praise and thanksgiving for your gracious assistance. Grant this through Christ, our Lord. Amen.
St. Andrew Career Care [NEED ANCHORED LINK TO CAREER CARE ON SUPPORT PAGE] offers free support, coaching, networking, and training toward finding employment or career change.
Psalm 23 — I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
Psalm 62:8 — God is our refuge.
Matthew 11:28 — Come who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.
Psalm 130 — Psalm of Lament.
Isaiah 40:28-31 — Comfort my people.
Revelation 21:1-7 — Vision of life after death.
2 Corinthians 4:5-8 — Light shines out of darkness.
Ephesians 1:15-23; 2:1-10 — Hope to which God has called you.
John 14 — Promise of life after death
Gracious God, in this time of change and challenge, fear and uncertainty, I ask that you be with me. Lord, I am assured that you prepare a place for me in heaven. Remain with me, surround me with your peace, and comfort me. Holy God, walk with me all the way through the dark valley into your glorious light. I pray for my family and friends, that you will comfort them and give them strength for this and every journey. May I be free of pain and anxiety, always lifting my eyes toward heaven where you will be waiting to welcome me home. Amen.
Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan (Bantam Books, 2012)
Final Journeys: A Practical Guide for Bringing Care and Comfort at the End of Life by Maggie Callanan (Bantam Books, 2009)
Looking Up While Lying Down by J.E. Biegert (Pilgrim Press, 2004)
May I Walk You Home by Joyce Rupp (Ave Maria Press, 2009)
Grieving a Beginner’s Guide by Jerusha Hull McCormack (Paraclete Press, 2006)
When the One You Love is Gone by Rebekah Miles (Abingdon Press, 2012)
Lose, Love, Live: The Spiritual Gifts of Loss and Change by Dan Moseley (Upper Room Books, 2011)
Caring Conversations — practicalbioethics.org